An Expression of Self (Home 1)

Part Two: A Place to Call My Own (Home 2)

An expression of
Self
Not always pretty lines and floral print
Not always
Green grass and candles, lit

Dark mass on dirt earth, feet
The smell of piss/sweat/breath/ taste me
Salt and bits of flesh in teeth and underneath
Fingernails cracked and growing
Yellow smoke in the air blowing
Lungs worn and ragged as
Wood floors, comfort has
Embrace for pale face
The best
Unknown since
Your bed, dead space, no place
To rest
My head, explodes but time is not a constant and in minutes it is back together once more though the ache remains

“What does it feel like to come home”
Again
Weeping hearing just the
Words that would not
Could not
Come out
Out now
And how…
Out and loud
Out and making mama proud
Out like
Lil’ Nas
Out like
A light
Out like
The truth
About
Red/blue and white pride
Out like
White lies and black skies
Green smoke and red eyes
No longer friends with dead flies
These ties exceed those lines
Not buzzed but buzzing all night
Settle down not now but in daylight
On
Corpse life rot slide off bones picked dry, not clean
Not to mean no steam
Not dead
More like
Full steam
A head
Not lead
Teeth gleam, sharp and
Not lean, large team, large she seems
Scared the fuck out
The bro scene
Scared out
Their wits
Scared of
Malfunctioning prototype dicks
(Blame it on hairy tits)
Sorry, not sorry
That joke was straight shit
I don’t hate, no diss
On you and your straight/cis
Wish for cute clits and shaved pits
Perk nips
Late night date, wait kiss
That’s cool too I just miss
When love meant more than pressed lips
Less soul, less heart, less bless
I confess it’s just this
Idealized version of Leguinian perversion
Isn’t working rather hurting for those who are not only interested in birthing
Got this
Left hand in the shadows, missed
Right hand in a clenched fist
Raised shaking pissed
Not to hit but neither to sit
On your lap old pap
Sit the fuck back and shut trap
Sick of hearing you spew crap
Bout female perfume and how you’d “tap that”
But “that” isn’t a “that”
She’s a free human being
With a name a meaning
Beyond your leering and your scheming
Your ocular undressing
Worth loving and respecting
Worth knowing and connecting
On a level not necessarily intersecting
With the physical
Above and beyond like
Heroes who
Wear no capes just make space
For healing for those dealing
With a pain that does not
Go away
Quite so easily
As the enemy
As the memory
Of that one time
On that cruise line
Of all the times
No bruise, no crime
No news, not spoken
Just inside
Not empty, but below fill line
Seal feel broken
Still felt fine
Like belt twine
Pants held but in decline
Like health on a birthday
Blue’s
Expression of
Self
Mine
But as you can see self is
Not limited to
Just me
Self is we,
And though together we might not always be
Together our hearts will always beat
Thank you for allowing space to speak
I love you all and always will
Peace