A Place to Call My Own (Home 2)

Part One: An Expression of Self (Home 1)

---

---

Skin clings to bone like
Home:
A place to call my own,
A foreign word,
In a near-forgotten phrase,
I have not known in
Oh, so many ways,
Distant now in
Time and space,
A remnant of
Prior days,
Save for warm embrace,
Sacred moments with
My twin flame,
Warmed by the smile on
Your face,
Until the moment fades and
Flies away,
As a bird set free it’s
Rusted, gilded cage.

I am… afraid.

I write these words
With a desperate haste,
On a styrofoam case,
Something I hope will not decay,
Feeling my heart race,
At a rapid pace,
Knowing even still they too may escape,
As so many others have,
In figure eights,
All intent and effort
Laid to waste.

I…
We
Do not want to be
Held here against our will,
Be it by bones or
Memory,
To be chained or
Contained,
Be it in dreams,
Filled with unheard screams,
Or wide awake in silent reverie;
Fuck your pedigree,
We are not a centerpiece.
Not another joke about gender,
Please…
Unless you know what it really means
To lose friends,
To gain
Enemies,
To fail to
Make ends meet
Over true identity,
Over blue-eyed them/their…
These
Days we answer your question
Endlessly:
Doesn’t matter when, just
“End it, please…”
We cry out
Jealously,
To lifeless pillow-sheets,
Ready to surrender,
To give up, leave
Until we remember,
27 or
70,
32 or
23
The time will come for all,
When it’s meant to be,
And we can never win if we
Give in
Willingly,
Cannot begin if we
Race to the end,
Selfishly,
No self, no
Killing me,
Killing us
Doesn’t just
Kill us,
You see,
It kills the opportunity
To share with the community
That we think about it too
And do so still,
In near perpetuity,
Every night
Before we fall asleep,
Every morning,
Same story;
So let’s tell it honestly…
First breath,
Check:
No death…
Damn God,
You deaf?
He wept;
Now we
Wish for
Pact kept,
Still-birth/still-slept,
No more, no less;
No bless:
Curse…
Terse mess,
Turn, eyes burn,
No rest…
Worst
Yet
Energy burst
Okay,
Get set…
Cover off,
First step,
Feet, meet floor,
Next,
Shower?
Not yet…
Okay, get dressed,
Shirt: check
Skirt: yep
For what?
Our best.
Look west, look east,
At least
We know there are still objects here and
Distance between…
New scene:
Brush teeth,
Gums bleed,
Now in mirror, devil seen,
Face, unclean,
All pores filled,
Still
Yellow teeth,
Eyes dark and…
Hello “me”,
Moment brief,
Eyes abhor/avert,
Above/beneath,
Okay, next step,
Breakfast? Tea?
Oh yeah, cat to feed,
Garden to water
(Pending energy)
“Remember the better…”
Breathe…
In seat,
Press any key,
PIN, enter,
Wait to see,
Too late to meet?
Maybe,
But at least,
We’re here and
Starting
Once more to want to be,
Little by little,
As the day proceeds,
As the small joys outweigh
Massive insecurities,
Passive worries, teased
Out by hurries…

Stop and
Remember to breathe.

Hush, there is no rush,
Just wait and see.
Home isn’t a place,
It’s a way to be,
One we find on our own,
Though never alone,
Always being completed,
But never complete.