Negative Thoughts – A Collaboration

This piece was a collaboration with a good friend, Dusyant, who I met on the Ablo platform, an app that connects you with strangers from around the world and allows you to chat with them without language barriers due to automatic translation. This platform has increasingly become a core part of my life, as an outlet for my social needs, as a platform for supporting others, and as a way to grow and learn about the world.

When Dusyant first sent me this poem, I was pleasantly surprised, and resolved to respond with a poem of my own. I worked on a response over the course of the year, as I struggled with writing due to various depressive episodes and life changes, and as such, the piece became a bit of a story of my growth and and the change in my perspective.

Many thanks to Dusyant for the inspiration, the love, and the patience. 💙

Negative thoughts getting bigger like this full moon.
it’s not raining outside,
the storm is inside this bedroom;
I talk with my memories, asking that they go away,
But they’ve got a voice that’s whispering your name.

I have seen the dark side of the light,
I have heard the sound of silence,
and it is all about you and I.

when the party’s over
and everyone goes back home,
when everyone returns to live their lives,
this is the moment I am alone…
alone again
alone again
alone again, slowly drowning in a sea of melancholy

I’ve been thinking a lot
Maybe sometimes I’m better off
When I’m
Not thinking
Been watching cloudy skies
Waiting for the sun to rise
Waiting for the moon to come and push away these rising tides
So I can comb the sands
Come back with sea shells and stones in my hands
“See what I got from the land”
“See what I found”
Like I had it all planned
I know that isn’t quite
The way it goes here in this crazy life
We can’t just wait for what we want, we’ve got to tell them what we like
And even then at times
Often we have to wait so long and might
Be given something that isn’t completely right
Or it might only be within sight
Like something you find
Is only possible inside your mind
It’s pouring from the clouds outside
But in here it’s like a desert, dry
Save for the tears you just can’t cry
So they well up inside
Damn this pride…
What have we to hide?
I love you all and I would rather die
Than give up the fight,
So now, once more, we try
To be alive
No longer just you and I
We’ve an army by our side.

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