How many times have I
Prayed for death?
I hope God understands my seemingly contradictory appeals…
Patiently humming and biding time
Until the pendulum swings back again,
Or until I see once more that it never moved in the first place,
That it was my perception
-Based on my limited perspective-
Which was flawed,
And not my
Head / Heart / Health
Entirety of self
As I am so prone to believe.
“Something is wrong with me.”
“Something is very wrong with me!”
I think / mumble / scream
Over and over,
And when I do
I do not know
If I want it fixed
Or if I want it to consume me.
Why am I never happy with what I have?
More, more, more.
I could be given the world
And would want the moon too…
I am so tired,
But it is when I go without sleep
That I am most awake.
I am so hungry,
But it is when I go without food
That I am most filled.
Why am I so desperate for love,
When I know without a doubt that the audience I am most concerned with
Is the one that looks back at me from the mirror
Older and more alone each day?
Why are they filled
With the past,
With the future,
And not with today,
Not with the people and places I want so very badly to appreciate now
As I have learned
From my experiences in the past
And from my observations of the future?