I Paused Ever So Slightly Today

I paused
Ever so slightly today,
As my feet passed between shadows and sunlight streaming down…
Warm and…
It has been so long
Since I have felt the glow on my face.

My spirit ran free last night.

I opened my mouth wide
And set loose from between my teeth,
Not quite words,
Not quite sound at all,
But rather a flow of intent,
Like a river rushing to meet the shores of the distant ocean,
Erupting,
In defiance
No
In rejection of….

But there was no answer,
Nor did the facade crumble.

There are times when I wish,
To burn alive,
To be faced with
An inescapable
Yet simple and empirical fate,
So that as the flames lick their way up the ancient woodwork,
Consuming all that has been as well as all that is,
As the fire trucks that pass so often on Mounds Boulevard
Finally come racing to my house
As they often do in my dreams,
That in the silent dawn that follows
I…
We…
Might
Be forgotten
And left to rest at last.

But I know
These walls
And the solid oak doors that have been coated with cheap paint meant to imitate the grain beneath
And the carved stone in the basement that is cold and often wet on my feet as I stand and stare at the decaying brickwork
Are my own flesh and blood;
This frame has stood here for far longer
And through far more adversity
Than my thin bones could bear to comprehend,
Faltering not in the slightest
Never a complaint,
Save for the groans and creaks on windy nights
Reminiscent of so many bones and bodies moving between the thin walls
Lulling me to sleep.

I paused
Ever so slightly today.

5 thoughts on “I Paused Ever So Slightly Today

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